Kale chi-… [I really don’t want to write this]

It goes against every part of my being to say I like kale.

Why? [thanks for asking]

Detoxers & Cleansers.

They ruined it for me. 

Why? [thanks again, I owe you one]

I hate them; they love kale; and, by the Transitive Property I should also hate kale. [I think that’s right…]

But I don’t. I actually kinda like it. 

Not for any of it’s purported health benefits. But because it tastes fucking awesome.

When done properly.

[That’s good enough for a segue, yeah?]

The Ingredients:

  • 100g Kale [1 bunch, exactly 19 leaves]

  • 20g Olive Oil [1/2 a shot glass full]

  • 1g kosher salt [don’t wuss out here; salt makes food taste good.]


Go all Eve on that kale and remove the ribs. Use a knife and cut along either side of the rib. I grab each leaf by the rib end and hack downward along the rib.


Wash and spin dry the kale. Or not. Just don’t blame me if you get the shits.


Put the kale in a large bowl. Add olive oil and salt. Get in there with your hands and mix everything up. If you scale this recipe up you may need to do this in batches. 


Dump that oiled up kale on a foil-lined baking sheet and toss in an oven at 400˚F. It’s done when it’s crispy and brown. Probably 15-20 minutes.


Tell me how many “toxins” you removed in the comments below.