The Weekly

Hello new friends, old enemies, and really old lovers. And hello…wait…I didn’t mean really old there, Lover. Just old lovers. LOVER. Singular. Shit. I…I’m gonna go buy some flowers.

I got bumped by Seinfeld

Thousands of you [2 of my doormen] were wondering why my last gig was canceled. It’s because of…Seinfeld… [said like Seinfeld says “Newman…”]. 

When Seinfeld does 45 minutes, absolutely nobody complains about getting bumped. Instead of hearing a moderately funny joke about Inauguration Day [which earned a “shame on you” from a great aunt] and a bit about a chubby terrorists, my fans [all 6 of them] were treated to 45 minutes of Jerry Seinfeld. 

I'll be back at Gotham Monday, February 6th at 9:30pm [yes, PM] and Wednesday, February 8th at 7pm. We can chat in my receiving line after the show [for your allotted 15 seconds] while I sign your flask or sideboob.


This Weekly should have come out yesterday. I know I promised my fans I’d have news, recipes, and jokes every Thursday, but I’m a day late. This isn’t the first time. Nor will it be the last. But I have an excuse.

I was watching Westworld.

Are you into Westworld!?? [you totally should be]

Anthony Hopkins is a strong up-and-comer, and the beautiful scenery Utah and California is nice and wild-westy, but I'm really in it for the butts and boobs [I appreciate the finer things in life.] There is a fair amount of wang one must contend with, but I take the good with the bad. [everything in moderation.]

And while we're talking about Westworld, does anyone else wonder if the actors smoosh their cheeks together before sitting down for "analysis mode"? [asking for a friend...] I haven't looked at my naked butt [recently], but I'd think it would be a little...wider...than those on the show. Anyone? Am I alone? WHERE AM I?!?

Yesterday's Westworld marathon was interrupted only by the Mexican delivery guy. I mean, I'm not sure if HE was Mexican [he was Asian], but the food was.

Does anyone else ever order Mexican?

Skirt Steak, Spinach Salad, Cauliflower Glory

This was completely awesome. The only change? I’d double the greens. 

I know, I know… I hate that I said that too. I really don’t care about the health benefits of stuff.

But I DO care about taste. And when you have rich cauliflower/butter/glory on the bottom and marbled steak on top, you need something to cut it. I’ve already made a note of this on the recipe, but double the greens. [Your colon will thank you.]

And I know some of you are corner cutters. Don’t omit the onion. It also cuts the richness.