The Weekly: 5
Hello people who say "You too!" to airport gate agents who say "have a nice flight!" and then shake their head in shame all the way down the jetway.
This week's The Weekly is coming to you live from New Orleans! [Is there an Old Orleans? Newer Orleans? Wouldn't it have been easier to call them all Another Orleans?
" ... and we'll call it ... Orleans!"
"Sir, I'm afraid that's taken."
"Merde! Let's go with New Orleans, then."
"Taken. Might I suggest Newer Orleans, sir?"
"Let's just go with Springfield."
New Orleans really is one of my favorite cities in the world. I love the flavorful food, the classic cocktails, and a constant bewilderment that anything gets done here. Rules seem more like a goal to strive towards than a minimum expectation. Maybe it's the Catholic influence?
Organic Human Grade Dog Food
The other day there was a guy in my building handing out samples of organic human grade dog food. Were dogs unhappy with dog grade dog food? What is the difference between human grade and dog grade? Isn't it all just plants and animals? What's the next step up from human grade? Should we be eating that? If I give my dog human grade dog food [organic, nonetheless!] what's next? Will she demand I replace the fake diamonds on her collar with real [and conflict free!] ones?
Scientists say we only use 10% of our brains (don't fact check that). Is the other 90% reserved for songs getting stuck in our head? It's convenient that evolution gave us extra overflow brain for those emergencies. Imagine if we only had the 10%. Could you imagine being a caveman running from a tiger when suddenly that tune your cave-wife hums pops into your head? You're stopped in your tracks as your little 10% neanderthal brain lights up with a song. What a treat for the tiger. How do those songs get there in the first place? Where do they hide? Do we need some sort app that scans our brain for unused space and tells us what to delete. That 90% could be used for so many better things. Like trying to write better jokes.
Dish I'm Cooking
If Haagen Dazs It, You Can Too (Vanilla Ice Cream). I love ice cream. Always will and always have. Even when I went through a "I think I'm allergic to dairy" phase. (I was 13 and still discovering who I was. Also I think I had giardia.)
Drink I'm Drinking
The Strawberry Gin Smash. This is a strawberry gin smash. It has strawberry. It has gin. It has the ability to get people smashed in warm weather.
The smash is large category of cocktail. More of a formula really. You need ice, a fruit or herb or, if you really want to go wild, then fruit AND herb, or fruits or herbs, something to sweeten it, and something to stiffen it. (We’re not just drinking this for our health now, are we? If you do want to drink this for your health, put the ingredients in a blender, add four handfuls of kale and, right before you blend it, kill yourself.)
You don’t need to a skilled home bartender to make this. You don’t need to be skilled at anything, really. If you can follow directions and put four things into a glass, you’re in good shape.