The Weekly: 7
Hello people who write Yelp reviews. And hello people who use their time productively.
I hope all 12 of you had a wonderful 4th of July. I spent it wrapping my anxious Pomeranian in a Thundershirt and then distracting her from the fireworks when said Thundershirt failed to completely soothe her patriotic anxiety. I also went to bed at 10pm. It.Was.Epic.
There's a soccer cup [copa? cupa?] going on right now. In America. Like most Americans, I have no clue what it is. Also like most Americans, I don't care. Why are the players forced to sing? They looked so pained to sing their national anthems? I'd be nervous enough playing in a stadium full of people who are planning to riot regardless of the game's outcome. Throw singing on top of that? They look like someone just told them their families were taken hostage and if they ever want to see their kids alive they'll sing their hearts out. To make the threat more believable they parade around a bunch of kids who also look pained to be there. Where do these little stand ins come from?
I don't really think about holding doors open for others. I just do it. But sometimes someone is juuuust far enough back or is walking juuuuust slow enough that I freeze. Do I stop holding the door and walk in? They're already seen me. They'll be right behind me, judging me while I order my Americano. It's not as easy as saying if you're this far away or farther I won't hold the door. What if they're a fast walker? Or what if they're really close but stop to make sure they're at the right Starbucks? It's a complex numerical calculation involving time, distance, and the phase of the moon. I feel like I need a refresher in trigonometry to get through it. It's easier to explain E=MC^2 to a chimp than determine whether I'm going to be judged for not holding the door open. Also why are we still using the regular door after inventing the real version of the Star Trek sliding door?
Hamburgers -- A quick tip
This is less of a specific recipe and more of a quick tip. A packet [pack? Package? Paquette?] of powdered French Onion Soup mix makes for an excellently flavored burger. Get the best meat you can (I used Pat LaFrieda's ground beef this past Fourth of July), and for each pound, add one packet of powdered French Onion Soup mix. Mix gently, and cook normally. I usually cook for 4 minutes per side in a covered pan with oil and butter. I don't grill. But I'm still a man, I swear!
That's all for tonight!