For the Second Time
Greetings millions of adulating fans everywhere! [3 family members in Tacoma]. It is with sincere pleasure that I type this Weekly for your enjoyment.
For the second time.
Like a dolt I crafted this opus directly in my internet browser. Which crashed the moment I typed “That’s it. Adios!” [It hates Mexicans.]
*chugs cocktail, cracks fingers, aggressively screams “LET’S DO THIS” and then quietly orders another Negroni*
This week’s The Weekly is coming at you from Lilly’s Craft & Kitchen.
Craft and Kitchen?
Normally I’m a Craft guy all the way. But sometimes...if the Kitchen is good, and I haven’t been in a restaurant in a while… yeah, I’ve been known to dabble.
Wiff and I are freshly back from a visit to the Pacific Northwest [PNW for you cool kids]. To all my Seattle friends [hi, mom!] so sorry I didn’t text you to grab a drink. I wanted to [lie] but I was so busy going to a childhood friend’s wedding [true] that had a lemondrop tree [also true], and sneaking into my father-in-law’s wine cooler [definitely true; thanks, Bill!].
Because I’ve been traveling, I haven’t pulled together a proper newsletter, complete with all the recipes, cocktails, and jokes you’ve grown accustomed to putting your children to sleep with.
Or are children lulled to sleep? Putting them to sleep sounds grim… Putting them down? [yikes] I have no idea what parents do to children.
Mostly because I have zero kids.
But Zero is the right number of kids for me right now.
Because I really actually truly love my life the way it is [I SWEAR I’m not doth protesting.]
But some people say it’s selfish not to have children.
And to them I say...
*scurries away, grabs drinks off of lemon tree*
The Dimming Of The Lights
As I proverbially pen this masterpiece [I’ve had 2* Negronis by this point], the restaurant is dimming the lights.
There is no greater undertaking in a manager’s shift than the dimming the lights. The hand eye coordination! Hand on the switch, eyes affixed to the scene; the attention to detail. Cool people fear the light, but too dim and you alienate people over 35 [and me]. The entire restaurant is counting on him to set the mood. OHMYGODTHEPRESSURE!
And it's always their first time dimming the lights. They never hit their mark. Why no one marks the position of the dimmer for "club scene" is beyond me. If only they read my newsletter.
Which I suppose I should thank you for reading.
Anyhow. I'm done for tonight.