Gratitude Dude
I’ve had a difficult time processing an emotion recently. Because it’s the first one I’ve had in years. What better way to work through it than writing to my email list, right?
First, some back story…
I’m back on social media.
Sometime in the past few years I deleted my Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook accounts. It was great. I wasn’t bombarded with updates. I wasn’t distracted by little red notification badges. I was happy.
My reason for quitting was that, if I didn’t spend so much time in the digital world, I could do more things in the real one, right?
Eh, not quite.
The truth is I didn’t do All The Things in the real world that I wanted. Sure, a wee wrench called The Pandemic derailed my plans of performing stand-up every night so I could get funnier and achieve my dream of International Stardom. But I still didn’t do everything I wanted.
Yes, Wiff and I made two cross country road trips in as many years, and yeah, okay, a Hollywood producer made an offer on the movie script we wrote. But I wanted to do more. (I’m not deleting that humblebrag even though I should. I’m about to establish my petty side so a little foreshadowing is warranted.)
Also…I got lonely!
So now I’m on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.
On the positive side, as I meet new comics, I can keep the connection alive on Instagram. I use it more as a text message replacement than I do for keeping tabs on other people. Though I still do that.
Which brings me to the negative side.
A few weeks ago, someone shared some great news. They were passed at The Comedy Cellar, the premiere comedy club in New York. (The term “passed” means “approved to perform here.” Comics go through an audition process, and if they pass muster, the club puts them on their roster.)
I was happy for this person. But a small part of me thought, “Them?!? How did they get passed there?!?” [I feel gross writing that.]
This isn’t the first time a friend or colleague has had great news. But it’s the first time in a long time I let it get to me. (I keep reiterating that this doesn’t happen often for me because—even if it’s a gross exaggeration—it protects my ego.) The truth? I feel that way anytime anyone shares good news.
“I won another scratch ticket!”
YOU DON’T DESERVE IT!
“I won Monopoly!”
YOU’RE A CHEATING CHEATER AND YOU KNOW IT!
“My bread landed butter side up!”
YOU SONOFA…actually, this was me, but I still didn’t think I was worthy. I mean, how often does your bread land butter side up?
Anyway, how do I process this?
First: get another slice of bread. Butter side up or not, the floor’s dirty.
Second: congratulate the person. They worked hard to achieve this goal. They deserve heaps of praise.
Third: get over it. Why spend time ruminating on others’ good fortune when I should be making my own? Being miffed is a choice. I love the advice that author Greg McKeowen, in his newest book, Effortless, advises readers to ask themselves, “What role have I enlisted this emotion to serve?” In this case, what job is whatever the noun form of being miffed—miffness? miffism? miffalotta?—doing? Answer? Wasting my time!
Fourth: No really, get over it. As a friend reminded me, “If you were good enough, you’d already be passed.” All the time I’ve spent thinking about this I could have spent writing better material so that I too can one day be passed at the Comedy Cellar. [Some time in the late 2050’s.]
Fifth, write about it in my newsletter. [And do NOT admit you ate both slices of buttered bread.]
I really don’t want to be this person, but something that helps me get out of a funk is thinking about things I’m thankful for. I know I ended that sentence with a preposition, but it was for a good reason: I avoid saying the G-word at all costs.
I’m afraid if I say “gratit-“—whoops, almost said the word that means appreciating what I have!—I’ll have to start doing yoga, talking about being “spiritual, not religious,” and spending hours cross-stitching decorative pillows with phrases like, “breathe” and “grace” and “live laugh love.” Whatever you call it, I’ve found that gratitude [damnit] makes it really hard to get bent out of shape.
Anyway, I’m thankful you subscribed to this list. And I’m thankful you listened to me get through this.
I feel better already.
Have you ever been miffed by someone else’s good fortune? How’d you work through it?
Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.
