The Cable Company You Keep
Originally sent to my newsletter subscribers on Monday, March 20, 2023.
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I have an issue with my external hard drive. It’s not the fanciest in the world—it was a free with purchase sorta thing—but it’s not so janky that I should be having the problems that I’m having with it.
Every time I connect it to my laptop, I get somewhere between 5 and 15 minutes of usage before my MacBook Pro informs me that the disk was not ejected properly. (If that phrase doesn’t sound familiar, it’s because you’re using a PC like a serf.)
The fact that the disk isn’t being ejected properly isn’t the problem. The problem is I’m not the one ejecting it, properly or not. I don’t want it ejected. I want it injected. Or dejected. Or whatever the opposite of ejected is. [Conjected?]
So I typed my symptoms into the Internet, and came to the diagnosis that the problem is the cable, and the only treatment is to a new one, which is like going to WebMD with a cough, diagnosing yourself with brain cancer, and prescribing a new head.
And this unintentional ejection—which affects more men than you’d think—isn’t even the real issue. The real issue is that I’ve been living with it for weeks.
Okay, fine. Months.
Months!
Every time I plug in this external drive to edit photos, I get a few minutes of usage and then ka-blam, premature ejection. I huff. I sigh. I cower in shame. I explain that this almost never happens. And then I plug it back in and start the whole cycle again. [Weird way to end that metaphor, I know.]
To disappear the problem would cost me, at most, $50 for a top-of-the-line cable and, at least, $10 for a generic cable. [We both know I’m not going generic.]
Fifty dollars! The cost of two fancy cocktails, a new Deep V-neck t-shirt, or a postage stamp. [I’ve never mailed a letter.]
Why haven’t I fixed it?
Is it the money? Wiff and I aren’t exactly rollin in the dough but we’re far from starving, and I can find $50 in the discretionary budget. [Say bye bye to my new spring Deep-V…]
Do I not think I’m worthy of spending the $50? A small part of me imagines himself to be super scrappy, like I could jury-rig a contraption to fix the problem, and in the process, solve cancer. But a larger part of me doesn’t have the patience to wait around for Ol’ Scrappy LeDonne to Rube-Goldberg a solution.
Maybe I’ve been dragging my heals because it feels safe to work on something not scary. Writing jokes—or writing anything—is scary, because at some point someone’s going hear the joke or read the writing and then immediately judge it and, by extension, you. And as much as you tell yourself you’re immune to the judgment, it still gets under your skin. Even this morning, I took a break from writing [read: procrastinated] to check Instagram and saw a comment on my reel: “Wasn't even funny. Keep trying. Maybe one day you'll get there.” [Thanks for the encouragement, Dad!]
And what other issues am I not dealing with while I ruminate on this one? There’s an opportunity cost to rumination and, despite my brain being enormous and talented [and humble], I can only ruminate on one thing at a time.
I finally took my medicine.
On Monday, I ordered a cable. The $50 one. Because I deserve the best.
On Tuesday it arrived.
And on Wednesday, I plugged it in, and learned the issue wasn’t the cable, it was the hard drive. 🤦🏻♂️
So now, with my power of inductive reasoning bruised, I must forge ahead and try another course of treatment. Probably by buying a top-of-the-line external drive [no more deep-v’s till 2026!], and probably only after waiting another 6 months.
At least it’ll distract me from writing! 🫠
