Capital Grilling

"Next round's on us!" Chris says. "It's the least we can do for interrupting your date."

"How do you know it's a date?" Randy asks. Randy is Chris' friend, coworker, and former client. "It could just be a night out." They met 8 years ago when Randy was Chris's first client. Chris sells software that now supports all of the Army hospitals around the world.

Randy’s from the hills of West Virginia—a self-proclaimed hillbilly—but you can’t tell by his manners or fondness for rural European villages. He enlisted right after high school and spent 20 years in the service. "The Air Force was my finishing school," he says.

"Do you have kids?" Chris asks.

"No, no kids."

"Oh, we definitely interrupted a date," Randy says. "You should buy them a drink. Are you all from around here?" 20 years of Air Force service may take away his y’all, but it’ll never take away his accent.

"No. New York. Manhattan.”

“What part?” Chris asks.

Not many people are familiar with our neighborhood. “Hell's Kitchen?”

"I LOVE HELL'S KITCHEN! I WAS JUST THERE LAST WEEK! I’M JOHN!” John's a newcomer to the conversation. He's an Indiana-based CPA. His daughter lives in New York, works for the Travel Channel and does improv comedy at Upright Citizens Brigade. She’s dating a guy who works in finance. John calls him "Wall Street." We learn all this in under 60 seconds.

“They probably think we’re on a date,” Randy says with a chuckle.

“Why would they think that?" Chris says. "I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m very supportive of the gay community. I have an aunt who’s…you know…fruity. But, just curious…between the two of us, who do you think would be the pitcher and who’d be the catcher?”

I point at Chris. "You catch…”

“What?!”

And then, just to mess with him, I add, ”…enthusiastically.”

Randy chews his steak and nods in agreement. "Mmmhmm. You do look purdy tonight.”

“MY DAUGHTER HAS A FEW FRIENDS WHO ARE GAY!” I love John.

The bartender sets Chris and Randy’s food down, asks if they need anything else. Chris dishes up Randy some of his vegetables.

“We’d make a cute couple,” Randy says with a chuckle.

Chris shakes his head. “Not that I have a problem with…them..but I’m just not gay.”

Randy laughs harder.

Chris goes for a subject change, “So she’s an author; what do you do?” We’d covered Lauren’s craft earlier in the conversation. 

“I’m a comedian.”

“I have so many stories for your comedy. You’re probably getting a ton of material for your…skits…tonight. Right?”

“I’m just enjoying the conversation.” I say. “You guys are great.”

“You can use whatever we say, just don't put my face on the gay stuff. And please don’t use our last names.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul.” Tee hee.”Your secret…“ is there a secret, Chris? “…is safe with me.

Chris and Randy pay their bill and get up to leave. We share pleasantries and best of lucks. Chris walks over to John and bids him a good night. John says thanks for the drink.

Randy takes down Lauren’s pen name so he can look up her books. I knew he had a soft side.

Everything’s quiet now that everyone has left. Lauren and I finish off the rest of our dessert and the bartender tops off our wine.

Pretty good impromptu post-Disneyworld cocktail.