5 Ways To Make Vegetables Not Suck

Most people hate vegetables. [Even fewer people can spell vegetables.]

But science and our waistlines tell us that they're healthy.

Why do they taste like grunt? [They don't, but I'm trying to empathize with you underlings.] Mostly because people rely on the two worst ways to eat vegetables: Steaming and Salad...ing [it's a thing].

Why do they steam and salad? Because they don't know how to cook them. But that's okay!

Enter...Me. [that doesn't sound right...]

I'm going to give you 5 ways to make veggies not suck and still keep them healthy. [I'm basically a wizard.] You're welcome in advance.

Here we go!

5 Ways To Make Veggies Edible [besides a salad]:

1. Roast 'em. 

Toss veggies with olive oil and salt and throw them into a 450˚F oven until they're brown. Some will only take 10-15 minutes (green beans, asparagus) while some will take 30-40 [broccoli, onions, potatoes, root vegetables]. 
LAZY TIP: Put veggies on a foil-covered sheet pan, drizzle with olive oil and salt, and lazily move them around. No tossing. No need to wash a bowl.

2. Oil & Salt 'em

Many vegetables can be eaten raw and, with a bit of good olive oil and sea salt, are quite tasty. Try this with radishes, snap peas, baby carrots.

3. Sauté 'em

This is best with leafy greens. Heat a nonstick pan over medium-high, add a few small glugs of olive oil, throw a few handfulls of leafy greens, sprinkle with a little salt and then DO NOT TOUCH THEM. Don't mix them around. Brown them. Brown = flavor. Flip them when they smell browned [trust your nose]. 

4. Grill 'em

I don't grill often [because I live 44 floors above Manhattan like a cosmopolitan demigod] but when I do, I grill vegetables. Rub a little oil and salt on some baby bok choy or a quartered heart of romaine [I'm not even joking] and throw that sucker straight on the grill, medium heat works well here. You want it slightly charred and browned, but not completely burnt [unless that's your thing?]. 

Whatever you do...

5. DO NOT OVERCOOK 'EM

Soggy vegetables suck. Leave them with a little snap! No matter your cooking method, preserving some of their natural crispness will make them much more enjoyable to eat. 

5 Minute Quinoa

I'm just gonna come right out and say it...

Quinoa tastes like grunt.

Which is expected since people who talk about quinoa usually fit into one of three categories:

1. health nuts who prioritize pseudoscience over taste [you know who you are],
2. people who claim to eat healthy but overeat whatever health food they're crazing on and,
3. Mexicans.

[One of those is false.]

I'm in the fourth category:

Culinary Geniuses.

“Quinoa tastes like grunt.” — Anthony LeDonne

I love quinoa not because it contains a ton of complex carbohydrates, or because it's a formidable intestinal pipe cleaner, but because it's super easy to cook in bulk and makes a great base for other dishes. [Translation: I'm lazy.]

I make a batch on Sundays and add it to dishes throughout the week.

For breakfast, I fry some quinoa in a little butter/olive oil, mix in some browned greens, and throw a few fried eggs on top.

For lunch, I'll top it with pan-fried salmon, blanched leeks, and beurre blanc.

For dinner, I'll eat a steak and just stare at the quinoa [a man can only take so much fiber].

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Ingredients

Makes 6 Servings

• 350g /  1 box of Quinoa
• 700g / 2.5 C Water/Stock/Broth
  We'll call this the "liquid" below. Get ready.
• Salt to taste
  Side note, the reason restaurant food tastes better is salt. Properly wielded it will make everything taste better. And if you're worried about your sodium intake, check the labels on all the prepared food you're shoveling down your pie hole before cutting salt out of a home cooked meal.
• 0-45g / 0-3 Tbsp Butter/Olive Oil
  We'll call this "fat" below. The quantity used it up to you. The more you use the better it'll taste.

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Recipe

1. Heat the base of a pressure cooker over high heat. Add fat.
2. Add quinoa.
3. Toast for a few minutes. Stirring occasionally. VERY occasionally. Go have a few sips of wine. Check Facebook. You're trying to brown this stuff, not just warm it up. It should smell toasted. This will probably take 5-10 minutes to smell toasty. It's okay if you under toast it. It's not okay if you over toast it [cuz then it's burnt, yo.]
4. Add liquid and salt. Seal pressure cooker and cook for 5 minutes. Start the timer as soon as pressure reaches 1 bar/15psi (usually the second red line).
5. Run warm water over the top of the pressure cooker to depressurize and remove the lid.
6. If there's residual liquid, put it back over medium heat for a few minutes without the lid. If not, you're done!