Why Every Man Needs A Custom Suit

The first time I tried on my very own custom suit, it felt like I sprouted my first chest hair. Is this what being a man feels like? It’s strange and good. Also… Will I ever get more?

It was a cool autumn day—I think, I actually don’t remember, but for the sake of this article let’s go with a cool autumn day—and I was in Philadelphia for work. I hate everything about Philadelphia [it's a trash town and it knows it] except two things: it was where our country became a country, and it’s where my tailor lives. 

I’d met with my Michael, my tailor, several weeks prior for the measurement and selection ceremony, during which time he took approximately two thousand measurements of my body—most of parts I didn’t know I had—and guided me through the selection process. 

The selection process was straightforward. When he asked “what would you like?” my answer was “a suit,” his indication that this particular client would need a LOT of guidance and that this particular selection process would be anything but straightforward. 

I choose everything from vents, lapel width, lapel type, buttons on cuffs, whether the buttons were functional. That part was strange to me. Why on earth would you have buttons on a suit if they weren’t functional? Also, why have buttons on the suit in the first place? My tailor explained that they were originally for surgeons, who, at the time, wore suits instead of scrubs and needed their sleeves to roll up because they’d often be elbow deep in blood. 

I may have embellished that memory slightly. Or not. It is a memory after all and you’ll never know what really happened! But I digress.

My favorite part was picking the fabric. Selecting a fabric is very tactile. You must feel samples of every single fabric, noting warp and weave and patterns and colors. Herringbone vs houndstooth vs sharkskin vs melange. I couldn’t see or feel any difference, but I didn’t want Michael to know that, so I took what I thought to be an appropriate amount of time selecting my fabric. 

6 hours later I’d selected my fabric and we were in business. After that, we sipped our G&Ts and I vowed to learn the appropriate plural form of gin and tonic so that I’d never have to write G&Ts again. As you can see, I failed.

Now, back to the trying on ceremony. 

I should point out that every step of this process feels like a ceremony. It feels important. It IS important—each point is designed as a checkpoint and gate for both tailor and customer so that both are on the same page. The suit is customized and expensive; one small mistake on either part could be costly. So care must be taken at every step. Which is why we only had gins and tonics before, during, and after each step; we didn’t want our faculties clouded with any of the strong stuff. 

Now, the big question: WHY must a man have a custom suit. Because each man is individual. Each man is unique. And each man thinks he is better than all other men. No two of us are alike, thus no two of us could wear the same suit and believe ourselves superior to our brother. So we must have custom suiting. At least one custom suit. They are expensive after all. And we’re not all Rockfellers [thank the gods; they used to summer in Rhode Island like common fishermen].

Also, men are, at our cores, barbarians. Many of us—myself excluded [refer to the superior part above]—still cannot remember to wash our hands after handling our business. A suit reminds us that we cannot be barbarians at all times. We can, and should, dress us on occasion [daily], and prove to the world that we are worthy of the role we have in society—to lift heavy things and grab oatmeal from the high shelf. 

Custom does not mean Brooks Brothers. Though Brooks Brothers does offer several wonderful suits that can only be described as boxy and boring, those aren’t the suits you’re looking for. They’re great if you’re shaped like a square. But you’re anything but a square. It’s okay, you can admit it, men have curves too. Fine, we’ll call them angles. Regardless, don’t buy Brooks Brothers.

Men’s Wearhouse offers cheap clothing that often looks as nice as Brooks Brothers. I would recommend them either, no matter how appealing they look given your budget. (I’m assuming you’re on a very tight budget, otherwise no man in his right mind would shop there.) I bought from them when I was in college. I went in wanting one suit and the [gifted] salesman convinced me I wanted two, because then I could mix and match everything so I'd have 12 different outfits. I wasn't a math major, but it sounded fishy. But i was too dazzled by the fact that I was buying 12 outfits for the price of 2 to realize I was buying very cheap clothing.

“What’s wrong with cheap?” You might ask. 

Very good question. 

Cheap is hot. Cheap wrinkles easily. Cheap looks…cheap. 

For the price I paid for the two suits, 6 shirts, and 2 ties, I could have purchased one suit, two shirts, and one tie. 

The catch?

They would have all been nice.

Nice suits breath better. Nice suits wrinkle less easily. Nice fits look…nice.

They also fit much better. They conform to your body. They look nice on you, specifically.

And nice is a great way to present yourself to the world. 

That’s why every man should get a custom suit. Because he’s worth it. And he should be proud of himself enough to dress nicely.

UPDATE

I have a new tailor now who, unfortunately, ALSO lives in Philly. But he still comes to the city. I bought six suits and as many shirts from him and he’s fantastic. Drop me a line if you’d like an intro. I get a free shirt out of it, but even if I didn't, I’d still recommend him; he’s that good.

My Favorite Hike In New Hampshire

A bit about my favorite [and the only] hike I’ve done in New Hampshire.

West Rattlesnake Mountain, Holderness, New Hampshire.

MAP IT

HIKE IT

I’m a little nervous. It’s been ages since I took my wife hiking. And last time I may have told her it was just a few miles when it was really closer to seven. If a man’s going to lie about the length of anything, the least bad thing is the length of a hike.

And the elevation gain.

But at least I brought sandwiches!

We’ve been driving around on side roads just south of the White Mountains in New Hampshire. It’s autumn so the foliage is in full force, but late autumn, and just after a storm, so it looks a little worse for wear. The trees look like they’re on a walk of shame—they’ve seen better days, but they’re still beautiful.

The GPS leads my to our final turn and we pull into the gravel driveway that leads to a gravel parking lot. It’s really just more of a gravel-covered graded clearing in the forest. So New Hampshire. There’s only one other car in the lot—which makes sense because we’re past peak foliage. We’re visiting during the part of the year that locals call stick season. That’s how locals name seasons in New Hampshire. There’s leaf season, stick season, mud season, and summer.

We get out and put Bailey on her on her tether. It seems unnecessary considering there’s only one, maybe two other hikers on the trail, but we generally follow the rules when it comes to social customs.

We get to the trailhead and remove Bailey’s leash. No sense in hemming in the old girl if she wants to run. Did I mention she’s a 13-year-old Pomeranian and looks like a fluffy orange cotton ball with anxiety?

We walk. It’s chilly, but our bodies warm up quickly since the first mile of this out-and-back one [three] mile hike is straight uphill.

After a short way we encounter the owners of the car. They’re a nice couple from Ohio. Every year they fly into Boston and drive up to Acadia National Park, then down to New Hampshire, and then back to Boston for their own fall foliage trip. They’re nice, in a friends-of-your-parents kind of way. We pass them and continue onward.

I think I’ve put enough distance between us, so I whip out my drone and buzz him—his name’s Darryl—up and down the trail. I want to capture some footage of us walking in the woods. After nearly ramming him into more than a few trees, I hear the other couple approaching. Darryl puts out a decent amount of noise, so I land and stow him.

Lauren and I turn around and start to turn back. We’ve come far enough and we’re hungry. We talk to the couple for a few minutes and mention we’re turning back. They convince us to continue onward because there’s a view ahead.

“How much farther?” we ask, like we were kids in the backseat on a road trip.

“A couple hundred yards. Can’t be more than 5 minutes.”

I can do a few hundred yards. I can do five minutes. Especially if a couple in their 60s is pushing on without breaking a sweat.

We combine our parties and the four of us hike on. Exactly 5 minutes later we arrive at a clearing. The view is beautiful. I scramble atop a few large boulders to get a better view. I look around for Lauren and Bailey, but they’ve wandered ahead. Maybe Bailey had to pee. Maybe Lauren did too.

I see Squam Lake in full autumnal glory. The yellows and oranges are so vivid, accented by dots of green where the occasional evergreen stands. The other man informs us this is where On Golden Pond was filmed. Cool. I ask him if he minds if I launch my drone. He doesn’t mind.

Quite the opposite, actually. He scrambles up the boulders and checks out my screen. How does he scramble? He’s 60! He asks a bunch of questions in the way that guys do when they see another guy playing with something cool.

“What’s the range on that thing?”
”A few miles.”
”Mmm hmm.”

Lauren and Bailey return.

“Um, there’s another view just over there,” Lauren says. She points to another clearing.

“Is it better than this one?” I ask. I figure this is as good as it gets.

She’s already running ahead to tire out Bailey. As a dog owner, there’s nothing better than seeing your pup totally pooped out and curled up in a tiny ball at the end of the day. We thought the hike would do it, but her batteries still seem pretty full.

I run to catch up.

Holy schnikes. This view is much better. I’d later find out after reading about this that this is the view, the one everybody hikes it for. Nobody stops at the first clearing.

I see all of Squam Lake, including several little islands decked out in their fall foliage best. I launch the drone again, being sure to take both photo and video. This might be the best view I’ve ever seen, and the four of us—six if you count Bailey and Darryl—have it all to ourselves.

After a half hour of taking it in, and me running back and forth from my tripod to Lauren and Bailey—gotta get those family photos for the ‘gram—we take the other couple’s picture and they disappear.

We don’t see them at all on the hike back. Which is surprising. We’re fast hikes and they have grandkids. Their car isn’t there when we get back to the lot.

“Were they ghosts?” I ask. There’s no way they got back that fast.
“Angels,” Lauren says.

Were they sent for the specific purpose of pushing us up the mountain? Maybe. Without them we wouldn’t have seen the view. And, while the journey was nice, the destination made it all worth it.

I ponder the philosophical meanings of that statement until my hunger whips me back to reality. We’ve got ribs and whiskey waiting for us back at our lodgings.

My Two Favorite Tools For Capturing New Ideas

My two favorite tools for capturing new ideas. 

1. Rhodia pocket notebook.

2. Sakura Microperm 01 Pen.

3. Bear.

Lauren drags me into Blick, one of her favorite art stores in the city. After a few minutes following her around looking at Things, I get turned around and start wandering around like a lost toddler. A small part of me feels like I’ve lost my mom—less in a “my wife is like my mom” way and more in the “I lost my only connection to the outside world in this scary place” kind of way. There are so many art supplies.

I look around for someone who works there, someone who could take me to Lost and Found and announce over the PA system that there is a lost boy looking for his wife, but I can’t find anyone. I sweat a little with worry and eventually find solace playing with things on shelves. 

First stop, notebooks. I didn’t know there were so many different kinds of notebooks. There are some with lines, some without. Some with vellum covers. Some that have see through pages. I don’t know why you’d want see through pages unless you want the notes you’re taking to be little more transparent. 

I find myself drawn to Rhodia notebooks. Partially because I don’t know how to pronounce the brand name—is it Roh-DEE-uh or ROH-dee-ua?—but also because it feels like a quality notebook. I snatch one, hoping to purchase it if I ever find the checkout stand. Maybe I could tear pages to use as breadcrumbs like Hansel and Gretel. Maybe I should look for a pen. That way I can leave a note to whoever finds my body long after I’ve died in here.

The pen aisles—yes aisles—are enormous. They look like endless server racks in some underground data center in rural New Mexico. Is that even a thing? Am I still in Blick? Little pads of paper dot the shelves in front of the pens. Is this where people leave their goodbye notes in case they don’t make it out? I search the floor for the skeletons of other husbands who were dragged into Blick, who got lost and, in a futile effort to leave a note to posterity, found their way to the pen aisle and left their Last Words. I sweat more. This is where I die.

Better write a note to say my goodbyes. I grab a pen and scribble something. I don’t like the tip. What number is this? An 03? Too clumsy. I try a Sakura Microperm 02. Getting warmer. I find it’s smaller 01 brother and write “I’ll always love you, Wiff.” The perfection with which the pen writes gives me a sense of hope. I’ll likely die here, but at least I can write my will with a beautiful pen. I take the pen with me.

I round the corner and move to the next aisle. Notebooks. How did I get back here? I look for my breadcrumbs. Realize I left none. I am doomed. I look up and notice a figure midway down the aisle. Is that another cutout of Bob Ross telling me that there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents? Was it a happy little accident for me to come in here, Bob? Or was it a mistake considering I now know where I perish? There’s light coming from the other end of the aisle. I squint to see if it’s Bob. 

It’s moving. I see the figure. She’s moving. Even if it’s not Wiff, maybe she could help me, an angel sent from above, wherever Bob Ross is. I run toward her. She turns around. It’s Wiff! Hallelujah! I hug her like she’s just returned from war, tell her about the catacombs and the minotaur—there was a minotaur, right?—and we head toward the checkout stand. 

I buy the notebook and the pen as a souvenir of my ordeal. 

Which I now use whenever I want to record a new idea. 

I love the notebook (👈🏾 affiliate link) because it’s small enough to fit in any of my pockets. 

I love the pen (👈🏾 affiliate link) because the ink flows perfectly—just enough make the idea feel solid, but not soo much that it gets messy.

And if I ever forget them, I use Bear on my iPhone. It’s the only app in my drawer, or whatever Apple call the area at the bottom of the home screen. I can tap it and add a new idea in seconds. Check it out here.

I'm a Happy Camper

Only the essentials. Like Champagne.

My wife and I just got back from camping, or as I like to call it, “let’s listen to other families fight in the woods.”

We haven’t been camping in years and we forgot how much we liked it. And our campground was full, so clearly other people love it too. It got me thinking, “why do we love camping so much?”

Because by all accounts, we shouldn’t.

The fact that we leave perfectly good homes—with indoor plumbing and central air—to live in the woods, baffles me. I much prefer flushing toilets and AC to Port-a-potties and swampy tent must.

But we still go camping.

And love it.

Why?!?

Maybe it’s the old idea of “you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.” Head to the woods to live in relative hardship to better appreciate the crap we’ve accumulated. So we take it all away and head to the woods. To reenact frontier living. “Tonight we’re having whatever Pa caught with potatoes covered in cheese. The cheese’ll help with the constipation.”

I don’t know…I could turn off my phone for a day if I wanted to try the simple life. Camping seems like a lot of work just to appreciate a king sized mattress. So I don’t think that’s why we like it.

Smart people who write books say that humans crave nature, that returning to the ancestral landscape in which we evolved—anywhere with trees—puts us at ease. Okay. Maybe. It’s true we spent most of our history living in trees and roaming the plains. Which sounds nice until you remember that we also faced constants threats…from everything. If you got too cold, you’d die. If you got too hot, you’d die. If you saw a lion, a saber-toothed tiger, or really, any animal with teeth or horns, you’d die. Even if you drank the wrong water, you’d face a long bout of tummy troubles and other GI gurgles, and then you’d die. Our ancestral home wasn’t a walk in the park.

And also, we didn’t go back. Once we left the trees and the plains, we didn’t go home. We discovered fire, came down from the trees, and built cities—which, yeah, are kinda like forests made of big metal trees.

Based on how relaxed I am out in the woods, I think the smart people who write books are right. I just think humans have selective memory about the good old days. We remember how great it felt to be in nature, but we forget about all the disentry.

Plus, if camping is a way to get back to our roots, this time we’re ready for the dangers. It’s like we’re going home to the small town we’re from, but on our own terms.

We buy all sorts of special equipment—a tent, bear canisters, DEET—and haul it into nature, to separate ourselves from nature. It’s like we want to be near wildlife, but if it gets too close, we’ll kill it.

Camping also gets us out of our routine. We do things camping we would normally never do. You pitch a tent, start a fire, and roast marshmallows. And then giggle because you just said “pitch a tent.” Those aren’t daily things. Well, the giggling is, but I’m have the sense of humor of an 11 year old.

Some families gather around the fire and sing. Those families are weird. No one is supposed to have that much fun. You’re supposed to eat too many hotdogs and spend the night farting in your tent.

There’s no greater test of manhood than building a fire. I build a fire just like early humans did: with copious amounts of lighter fluid. There’s something about sitting around a camp fire that makes me feel like I’m communing with our ancestors, doing everything they, did like roasting marshmallows.

It’s not hard to roast a marshmallow. But I don’t have the patience to do it right. Here’s how I roast a marshmallow. I put it on a stick. Put it in the fire. And then cry as the entire thing goes up in flames. It goes in an innocent white puff comes out black molten lava. It looks like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s turds.

Does anyone actually know what marshmallows are? It’s just sugar and magic, right? They’re sweet white balls that turn into sticky sugar boogers that incinerate the second you get them near a fire.

Everyone is required to make a s’mores, which sound like a dirty Italian word. “Hey, you wanna, ‘make a s’more?’ hehehe.”

And then, after you’ve had your fill, you turn in for my favorite part of all: Sleep.

And really, there’s nothing better than falling asleep to the sounds of another campsite’s generator. Or listening to a family argue about an issue they thought was resolved years ago but they just remembered because wine.

Yes, the joys of camping. Sleeping under the stars…in a humid swamp box…made with flammable walls…pitched precariously close to a fire. You’re one flying ember away from adding a sunroof.

You know what. I never answered why we love camping so much. I’ll tell you why I love it. I love the smell of a campfire. The taste of s’more. The quietude of sleeping under the stars. I love living a simpler life. At least for a few days. And then I need to get back to the internet. So I can post this blog post.

How To Visit NYC's Top of The Rock

The short version:

1. Buy tickets here.

2. Arrive at your designated time.

3. Best pictures (no glass) are on the SW corner of the upper upper deck.

4. Don’t forget the back side! (the north side).

5. Bring snacks.

6. No tripods allowed, except little guys like these (👈🏾 affiliate link) and these (👈🏾 affiliate link).

The Long Version:

First things first, plan your trip. Do you want to see sunset? Do you want to see the pretty lights on in the buildings? Or do you want full sun and puffy clouds? [Yes, yes, and yes.]

Plan on it taking an hour from your reservation time to the moment you snap your first photo. That’s the time it takes to wind through all the lines, their souvenir photo area [which you can skip] where they take a photo of you in front of a backdrop, and fighting through crowds to the top deck. Subtract an hour from the time you want to snap your first shot; that’s your reservation time.

Sunset was 8:18pm on the day I took the photo at top. I wanted to take photos during golden hour (7:39-8:37), sunset (8:18), and blue hour (8:37-8:49). To be safe, I booked tickets at for a 6:25 reservation. This was the right choice.

I was early and couldn’t get in. I arrived at 6:00 and the gentleman manning the front door suggested I “head inside the NBC building next door because the AC is much better than sweating through your shorts out here; visit the stores—but don’t buy anything, it’s way too expensive, and use the restroom and then, at 6:25, come back and I’ll let you back in.” It was the nicest way I’ve been told No ever.

Be patient as you wind your way through the maze and, if you’re visiting in the summer, mouth breathe [lots of B.O.]. And be nice to the guards. Despite having to herd tourists [without a cattle prod] the guards keep smiling and joke with people. That surprised me…they’re all funny.

Once you’re at the top, don't stop at the first floor observation deck. This is where a LOT of people hang out, but it’s also where the glass partitions separate you from the Manhattan skyline (and from taking great pictures). You didn’t come here to take pictures with a billion other tourists slobbering on a glass partition. You came for Glory. GO ALL THE WAY up.

Follow the signs for the escalators leading up. It’s worth it.

Find a view you like, setup your mini tripod on one of the concrete pads, and wait. I stood in the same spot from 7:00 to 9pm and was super happy with the shots I got.

The best location for taking south-facing photos is the SW corner of the upper upper third floor. You can take photos elsewhere on the third floor, but with a wide angle you can see the partitions and the tops of tourists’ heads. The SW corner removes most of the distractions and gives you the clearest shots of the city.

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Show the backside some love! [Click me!]

Don’t forget the backside! The views there are incredible as well. (See below.) I shot this from the top deck as I was looking winding my way through the hoards of people. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? SAY IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

Once you get into position, park yourself there and enjoy the view. The lights change from afternoon haze to golden pastel hues to deep blues.

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How to Shoot Amazing Top-Down Drone Panoramas

I FINALLY remembered a cool trick to taking cool drone pictures a few days ago in New Orleans. The picture above is what came out of it.

Here’s how I did it…

IN THE DRONE

I pointed the camera straight down, set my exposure (1/160 @ 2.8, 400 ISO, if you’re curious) and started strafing. I aligned my drone with the tennis courts—so the drone was pointing UP in this image—and then strafed right, firing off a few shots along the way. There was a decent amount of overlap in each image. I probably had 50% of the image overlapping onto the next one, but you needn’t take so many photos. Once I’d gotten one row, I moved the drone forward (UP in this image) and went back along the next row.

In Lightroom

Just pop open Lightroom, select the images you want to stick together, and click Photo >> Photo Merge >> Panorama. Et voila!

You can recreate the image (minus my retouching and cropping) using the source files here:

Get The Source Files

Happy shooting!

My Favorite New Orleans Bars and Restaurants

If you listen close enough, you can hear their shoes stick to the sidewalks…

Going to New Orleans? You’re gonna need a plan.

Here’s a list of my favorite bars and restaurants to help you eat and drink your way throughout. Which is the only way to do New Orleans.

This list is not exhaustive. There are obviously more restaurants in New Orleans. But my stomach only has enough room for so much food and drink so I can’t review everything. This also isn’t a complete list of every New Orleans restaurant I’ve been to. Some didn’t make the cut. In lieu of trash talking them here, I’ve elected to only highlight those that are worth a visit.

*I have not been to a few of these, but they came so highly recommended that I’ve added them for your benefit. These are denoted with an asterisk.

**Special thanks for my cousin Vinnie [not kidding] for originally sending me almost all of these recommendations.

My Perfect New Orleans Afternoon

The Sazerac Bar

Grab a drink or three here, the earlier the better as it can and will get crowded. It opens at 11am but won’t get crowded until 4 or 5, so you’ll have plenty of time to sleep in from whatever you got into the night prior. Or, if you were out really late, then come here to tie one on. When you’re done at Sazerac, take a lap around the inside of The Roosevelt Hotel. It’s beautiful, especially around Christmastime. Then head next door to…

Ah…home, sweet home.

Domenica

For pizza, pasta, and a great wine menu. If you make it in time for happy hour—daily from 2pm to 6pm—you’ll be treated to half off their amazing pizzas. It’s worth it even if you miss happy hour though. The pizzas are some of the best I’ve ever had. And get the cauliflower. You need more veggies. Once you’ve had your fill here, head towards the river to…

Cafe du Monde

For beignets and coffee. Don’t wait for a table. No one will seat you. It’s seat yourself! Cash only [my nightmare] but worth it.

The Full List

Must Sees

• Cafe du Monde (go after dinner for beignets and coffee. Tip: don’t wait for a table. No one will seat you, it’s seat yourself! Cash only. Worth it)

• Domenica (for pizza, homemade pasta, and great wine. Go during HH for half off pizzas.)

• Sazerac. Next door to Domenica in The Roosevelt. Classic cocktail bar. Very old and

• One of the Donald Link restaurants below.

New Recommendations

• Erin Rose

• Hotel Montelone Carousel Bar

Domenica

Central Business District

(504) 648-6020

domenicarestaurant.com

Wiff and I go here several times whenever we’re in town. It’s one of our favorites. Italianish with a bit of mediterranean / Israeli influence. Pizza is awesome, cauliflower is incredible. Pastas are also fantastic. Wine list is great. HH is half-off pizzas.

The Sazerac Bar

Central Business District

(504) 648-1200

website

Super classy cocktail bar in a super classy hotel. Drinks are fantastic. I love coming here at 3pm before all the other tourists take it over. It gets loud after 7pm.

This posed picture would have been better had I not slammed the entire cocktail first.

Cafe du Monde

French Quarter

cafedumonde.com

The later in the day you go, the better. Tourists think that beignets are like donuts, and thus only eat them for breakfast. So the lines can get pretty long during the day. Go later in the evening. Make it your last stop before turning in for the night. Do whatever you have to do to avoid long lines here. Beignets are good, but not wait-in-a-line good.

Herbsaint

Central Business District

herbsaint.com

This is another one we visit every time we’re in town [we’re creatures of habit]. I ordered the hanger steak and a rum old fashioned the first time I dined at Herbsaint and it was so perfect I dragged Wiff here for dinner that night. We usually split several small plates for variety, but their mains are delicious. The restauranteur behind Herbsaint is Donald Link, one of apparently only two restauranteurs in town.

Peche

Central Business District

pecherestaurant.com

Seafood focused. Very good.

Cochon

Central Business District

cochonrestaurant.com

🐖-focused. Very good.

Gianna

Central Business District

giannarestaurant.com

Donald Link. Italian focused. Pretty good. We went to here two weeks after they opened. The service was great. The food was okay. Don’t get the homemade mozzarella balls. They’re tiny and tasteless. The cheese bread was great, as were all the pastas we tasted.

Cochon Butcher*

Central Business District

cochonbutcher.com

Donald Link. Like Cochon, but it’s a walk up counter for take away service. I haven’t been, but have heard great things.

Maypop

Central Business District

maypoprestaurant.com

Southern-Asian fusion. One of the two or three New Orleans restaurants that isn’t a Donald Link joint. Wiff went here for a work lunch and raved about it. I definitely wasn’t not jealous that she went before me. Fried oysters are 👍.

Longway Tavern

French Quarter

longwaytavern.com

From the folks behind Sylvain. Casual bar with outdoor patio in back. Great drinks. Fun vibe. Haven’t had the food but the menu looks good. Happy Hour drinks are tasty and cheap. $5 for a Sidecar? YES PLEASE.

I love me some happy hour Sidecars.

Sylvain

French Quarter

sylvainnola.com

Semi-trendy, good cocktails and everything from fried chicken (amazing) to gnocchi to a bolognese. Smaller spot with cool patio in back.

Shaya*

shayarestaurant.com

I haven’t been, but here’s a note from my cousin Vinnie [still not kidding], a Nola resident:

“Best new restaurant in America." Maybe overhyping a tad but the pita is so good it will ruin all other pita for u. A lot of small plates so fun to go with other people and order everything. Lamb entree is fantastic. Shaya is Alon Shaya's place, chef at Domenica. It's another Besh place.

Hola.

Johnny Sanchez

Central Business District

johnnysancheznola.com

This is a joint venture between John Besh (the “Johnny” half) and Aaron Sánchez (the Mexican half). Fantastic Mexican food. The best goat tacos I’ve ever had. [Also the only goat tacos I’ve ever had.]

Lüke

Central Business District

lukeneworleans.com

Another Besh place. Seafood. Great oyster happy hour.

So there you have it.

I’ll update this list as often as I see fit. If you have any recommendations, don’t hesitate to drop them in the comments below!

Watch Me Interview My Wife for USA Today

A few months ago I got to interview my wife, Lauren Layne, for USA Today [yes, THE USA Today]. It was one of the more fun projects I’ve ever worked on. Check out the video below, and the article by Mary Dubé here.

[I’m on the left.]

My Favorite Photography Spots in Paris

This is a list of some of my favorite photo-worthy spots in Paris. It’s not comprehensive. There are more beautiful places in Paris than those listed below.
Feel free to suggest your favorite spots in the comments below.

[Click on the photos for larger views…]

The Louvre Pyramids

I went to the Louvre pyramids twice, once around 2pm on our first day, and again at dawn on our penultimate day. If you go during normal hours, be aware that the entire place will be full of people. There will be dozens and dozens of people hopping up onto the stands to take their “my finger’s on the tip of the pyramid” shot.

These pictures were taken around 7:00am local time. I had the entire place to myself. And it was glorious.

The Eiffel Tower

You have two choices: go to the Eiffel Tower or, wherever you find yourself in the city, look up. Both are great.

If you want some alone time with her, you best go at dawn. The second image here—the blue one—was taken at 7:30am local time.

Arc de Triomphe

I didn’t think the Arc was going to be cool. I was wrong. It’s pretty impressive up close. I’m kicking myself for not going up into it and taking a picture of the city. The views I’ve seen on other photography websites are beautiful.

Before you go up, you can check the wait times here.

The Arc is in the middle of a giant traffic circle connecting 12 streets. You can sit down and watch the cars and busses do their dance. During red lights, you can take angsty photos like we did.

Jardin de Tuileries
(Tuileries Garden)

This is one of the most beautiful parks/gardens I’ve ever seen. Go here. Have wine. Be happy.

Le Village Royal

In general, pretty places are crowded. And everywhere in Paris is pretty. Ergo, everywhere in Paris is crowded. But if you’re patient you can find a break in the instagrammer traffic and get yourself a nice little snapshot. We popped into Le Village Royal—an outdoor mall—on our afternoon walk back to our hotel. It wasn’t easy snapping these two shots among all the other people taking their obligatory “grab the umbrella” picture—especially considering they were the only thing between us and getting back to our hotel for happy hour.

Musèe d’Orsay

Wiff and I aren’t museum people. Which is to say, we hate museums. We just don’t get them.
This is us in a museum:
”Huh. Okay.” [move to next piece]
”Mmm. Okay.” [move to next piece]

The Musèe d’Orsay was the only museum we visited. And even then, it was mainly for the architecture of the building itself. It’s beautiful. Do yourself a favor and look up Courbet’s L'origin du Monde.

Sacré-Cœur

The structure itself is a bit bulbous, but the views are pretty cool. I read AFTER I’d left that you can go up to the top of the Coeur, which I’d imagine would make for a much better view.

I hope to god that the creepy carousel in the park at the base of Le Coeur is just down for the season. Rundown carousels always freak me out. 🎶…do DO do doo do Do do doo…🎶

I Deleted Instagram. Here's What Happened.

This is not me. I don’t speak Czech…

Did you like that cringe-worthy Washington Post style clickbait title? Pretty enticing, right?

[UPDATE! I wrote this in March of 2019, but have since deleted my Instagram account altogether. So...read on if you'd like to understand the freedom I felt in merely deleting the app from my phone. I'm working on an article about quitting social media entirely and will update this page when it's finished.]

Imagine a world in which you disengage from all the terrible stuff on social media, but you still participate in the wonderful, beautiful, content-generation side of social media [selfies].

Ahh… digital Shangri la.

I like contributing content for brand-building purposes. I want people to find me, my comedy, my writings, my cocktails, my recipes… But I don’t want spend hours mindlessly flipping through what Instagram thought was best for me. Which is exactly what I was doing. Every morning. Every night. In between sets at the gym. While other people were talking at me.

I could have unfollowed everyone. But that's like an eight-cocktails-in decision. [For reference, willingly seeing a movie in a theater is a two-cocktail decision; making brunch plans is a three-cocktail decision, and choosing to get a tattoo is a twelve-cocktail decision.]

The next best thing was deleting Instagram.

Here’s what happened…

I started reading more.

Whenever I had a free nanosecond, I’d pop open my phone and open Instagram. I wasn’t actually doing anything in Instagram. I’d just mindlessly flip through pictures.

I only follow about a hundred people, so there’s not much new stuff happening every second. I told this once to a friend. She told me to follow more people. I told her to… Actually, what I told her is neither important nor g-rated.

So I deleted the app.

And then I needed something to fill The Void.

So I started reading more.

When I’m between sets in the gym, instead of Instagram I now read a few paragraphs.

The moment I wake up, instead of ‘gramming, I’m reading. You get the picture.

I still posted.

Did you know you can post to Instagram without being in Instagram? I use Planoly to schedule all my posts. It’s as easy as dragging and dropping images into the web app (or iPhone/Android app), adding a caption/tags/hashtags/etc, and then scheduling it.

Another option is Tailwind. I’ve used them for Instagram posting in the past, but I like Planoly a bit better. I still use Tailwind to automate all my Pinterest activity.

The beautiful thing is you can still share what you want to share [selfies, sunsets, and shots at the bar], but you don’t have to listen to all the crap out there. It’s heaven. Really.

My iPhone battery never got below 95%

I deleted Instagram. I’m not sure what to do with my iPhone now. Why even have one?

Wiff also deleted Instagram. You can read her thoughts on it here.

Leno & Seinfeld Together Does Not Suck

I did stand-up at Gotham Comedy Club earlier this week. [My set was awesome, thanks for asking.]

I was about to leave when the producer of the show said, “DON’T GO.” [He generally speaks in all caps.] And then he winked at me.

I’m not unaccustomed to people winking at me—it’s the price I pay for being beautiful—but this wink was a weird wink. It wasn’t a “hey sweetheart, would you like a drink” wink. It was a “stick around for a surprise” kind of wink.

I don’t know why he didn’t just say “don’t leave the club because we’ve got two surprise guests coming.” I think saying it would have been easier than winking, not to mention a lot less creepy.

Next thing I know, Jay Leno and Jerry Seinfeld come into the club and sit a few feet in front of me.

Jay and Jerry, sitting in a tree…

Jay got up first and did 15 minutes. I think. It could have been 20? I don’t know. All I know is that he told jokes and they were funny.

He opened with some older, proven material and then did some new stuff [I gave him my notes]. I really hope he’s got a new special coming.

And then he introduced the next comic, a “young guy I recently discovered…I know you’re doing gonna love him…give it up for Jerry Seinfeld!”

From L to R: Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Microphone

And then Jerry did 15-20 minutes. Much of it was the same as the material in his Jerry Before Seinfeld special on Netflix, but it was still incredible to watch.

The two of those guys performing back to back made me want to throw out my entire act [don’t worry, World, I’m not doing that yet!] and work 100X harder on all new material.

If you haven’t been to Gotham, there’s a very funny comic who’s going to be there 4/12 and 4/13. I’ll be there twice in the next two weeks working out some new material. Come on down!

What about you?

Who are your favorite comedians [besides moi]? Who have you seen recently that you thought was awesome, whether live or on Netflix?

[Btw, comics, here’s how you can book a show at Gotham.]

How Pinterest Became My Single Largest Traffic Driver

Since the beginning of the year, Pinterest has become the single largest driver of traffic to my website. It’s only been 6 weeks. But Pinterest replaced Direct traffic, Organic Search, Email, and all other referral traffic, combined. 

How?

What’s the secret sauce?

I created pins that point to my website.

It’s not enough to create blog posts. You need to tell the world about them. And pinning is one of the best ways to do that. 

Here’s my step-by-step tutorial on how to increase traffic with pins. 

Step 1: Write a blog post. 

That should go without saying but I have no idea who you are. You might be the one shampoo bottles still have instructions for.

Step 2: Create 5 pins PER post.

Sounds cray, right? It’s not. And it’s not too difficult either. 

The trick is to create your pin templates. I use canva.com. Their out of the box designs are good and free. You can create one template and use five headlines for each post. Or you could create five templates and use the same headline. Or mix and match. Totally your call. You could even experiment with having text only pins vs pins with images. Check out my Blog Board on Pinterest if you’re looking for inspiration.

Step 3: Schedule the pins on Tailwind. 

I use Tailwind to do two things. Scheduling pins is one of them. If you post all your new pins at once, Pinterest won’t show them to many people. But if you space them out during the day, more people will see them. 

I drag and drop all my pins into Tailwind, give them the appropriate URL on my blog, copy/paste a keyword rich description so that it shows up in search, and select which board they should be posted to. 

Step 4: Schedule Tailwind’s SmartLoops feature

This is incredible. SmartLoops will basically repost your pin to Pinterest for as long as you want it to. So, instead of your pin publishing to Pinterest once, and thus only coming up in the feed once, it’ll come up as often as you have your SmartLoop set to loop. 

That’s it!

So You Want To Get Started In Stand-Up...

That's wonderful! I can't wait to buy tickets to your show at the Beacon Theater! I'm sure you'll be there in just a few years.

If I may offer some advice that will help accelerate your career:

1. start writing,

2. read two books,

3. take a comedy class.

That’s it. That’s all you need. This magic combo should get you well on your way to finding your creative voice, landing an agent, and booking your first multi-million dollar endorsement deal. For Juul.

The single most important step is to start writing. Right now. Don’t even finish this [amazing, life changing] blog post. But if you already pushed through and didn’t heed my advice then just continue reading. I don’t want to stop you on your meteoric rise to international stardom. Just promise me that as soon as we’re done here you’ll start writing, okay?

The books will give you a solid writing foundation. You'll learn joke structure. You'll learn how to write and edit material. And you'll gain a few tips on how to perform.

But then get back to the writing. It’s really the most important part of this whole thing.

The third thing, the class, will help. It’ll shortcut the process of putting together your first five minute set; it'll get you on stage faster, and you'll learn how to get on stage in the first place—which isn't always easy to figure out.

My recommendations?

Book 1: Judy Carter's The Comedy Bible: From Stand-up to Sitcom--The Comedy Writer's Ultimate "How To" Guide

Book 2: Stephen Rosenfield's Mastering Stand-Up: The Complete Guide to Becoming a Successful Comedian

Class: Manhattan Comedy School. I took a few of their classes and loved them. I also built their website!

3 Places To Eat & Drink Your Way Though Central Park

Maybe someone’s dragging you to Central Park. Maybe you’re visiting New York. Whatever the reason, you’re going to need food, water, and—especially if you have kids—alcohol. Here’s my go to recommendations for spending a day in and around Central Park.

1. Cafe Luxembourg. Stop here for an early lunch before going to the park. Get the tuna tartare and the beef tartare. But get the big beef tartare; it comes with fries. Whatever you do, do NOT leave Lux without having an order of fries. They alone are worth a trip to NYC. While you're there, say hello to Ryan the bartender. Or Rachel the bartender. Or Israel the bartender, or… Okay fine, just say hello to any of the bartenders and show them my picture. They might top off your drink, or they might throw you out. It's also a favorite among celebrities. Rumor has it it's one of Tom Hanks' favorite NYC restaurants. Wiff and I have seen Kathleen Turner there a few times and Al Pacino once.

   Location: 70th & Amsterdam, 200 W 70th St, New York, NY, 10023
   Website: cafeluxembourg.com
   Phone: (212) 873-7411

2. Tavern on the Green. Stop here for a drink and a snack while you’re at the park. Unless it's 20˚F out, the main patio is always full. Try to get in if you can. You may have luck sitting at the high top bar. If you can't get in, grab a drink at the little window to the left of the check in stand and sit in the seat-yourself area. Even at peak times there's usually a table open. They have a decent selection of wine—two Pinot Grigios and a rosé—and a small selection of beer. Oh! And they're dog-friendly!

   Location: 67th & Central Park West, Central Park, W 67th St, New York, NY 10023
   Website: tavernonthegreen.com
   Phone: (212) 877-8684

3. Bar Boulud. Stop here after the park for a pre-dinner drink. Or drinks and dinner. It’s worth it. This was one of the first places Wiff and I went for a bite to eat and some drinks when we moved to NYC. I still remember it like it was 8 years ago. Ah... We had a glass of wine, the charcuterie board, a few more glasses of wine, maybe something else, I don't know. Did I mention we had wine? Sit outside in the warmer months. If you dress warmly enough you can sit outside during the cooler months too—do so, and you'll be rewarded with wide open availability.

   Location: 64th & B’way, 1900 Broadway, New York, NY 10023
   Website: barboulud.com
   Phone: (212) 595-0303

My Favorite Photography Websites

500px

It’s like Instagram without the selfies. I use this site to plan photo shoots. For instance, at the time of this writing, I’m planning a trip upstate as a writer’s retreat. But I also want to shoot photos. I go to 500px.com, search for images of “Hudson Valley,” which might lead me to “Olana” or “Rhinebeck”—all Hudson Valley terms—and I see where other people have taken pictures. Then I can head to my second recommendation…

Google Maps

I use Google Maps to get the lay of the land. Since this photo shoot is secondary to the writer’s retreat, I want to make sure potential shoot locations are nearby. I don’t want to drive 2 hours upstate only to drive another hour to get to a shoot location. I also use Google Maps to find interesting nature things, like ponds, rivers, islands, mountains, forests, etc. Those tend to be more interesting than a road. Switching to satellite view helps me figure out whether I’ll have line of sight to an interesting building over a pond, for instance.

Nations Photo Lab

NPL is my goto printer for photography. I like their user interface and their pricing. They also ship SUPER fast. I’ve sent stuff to them in the evening and had it ship the next morning. I’ve printed dozens of photos and they’ve never screwed up. Also Google “Nations Photo Lab Promotional Code” to see if they have any coupons. I often save at least 20-30%.

FStoppers and Petapixel

I check out FStoppers and Petapixel whenever I’m procrastinating. They have interesting photography news and tutorials. I just wasted 20 minutes clicking through their archives while I was writing this little list. Well done, me.

B&H

B&H is where I buy 99% of my photo and video equipment. If you want to buy a photographer [like me] a gift and you’re not sure what to get, a gift card to B&H is always a good idea.

New Material Monday: Shelf Space

This is brand new material. Never before seen. Never before heard. It’s the first time it’s hit the stage. It’s rough and needs work, but I think there’s potential. What do you think?

Drop me a line in the comments below!

How to Edit Your First Photo In Adobe Lightroom Classic CC

Hey folks! Today’s quick blog post is going to be a SUPER quick primer on Adobe Lightroom.

It is for complete beginners—people who just bought their first DSLR or Mirrorless camera, took a few pictures, and are scratching their heads wondering, “How come my pictures don’t look as good?”

I’m going to do this little how-to in the form of a workflow. I’ll show you the exact steps to take so that you can get up and running in Lightroom in 10 minutes flat.

Open Lightroom

On my Mac, I open Spotlight (hit ⌘+Spacebar), type Lightroom, and hit enter. It opens right up.

Import Photos

Shortcut time! Hit Shift+⌘+I (an I as in import) to open the Import Photos and Video window.

On the left side, you have the Source column. This is where you’ll tell LR where to find the photos you want to import. Look for your SD/CF/Whatever card and click it. LR will bring up thumbnails of all your images in the center column. By default, everything will be selected for import. This is good. It means we don’t have to do anything. Before moving on, I’d recommend selecting Copy in the top center of the window. You don’t need to worry about converting to DNG. Copy is just fine.

1. On the right side is where things get fun.
   1. First, the File Handling box. This is where you’ll tell LR what to do with the files. Here are my settings:
      1. Build Previews: Minimal
      2. Build Smart Previews: [Checked]
      3. Don’t Import Suspected Duplicates: [Checked]
      4. Make a Second Copy To: [Unchecked]
      5. Add to Collection: [Unchecked]
   2. Next, the File Renaming box. This is where you’ll tell LR how to rename your files. I totally recommend doing this so you can better keep track of your pictures. Here are my settings:
      1. Rename Files: [Checked]
         1. Template: Custom Settings. To change this, select Edit from the dropdown. I like this format: 20190107-Shoot Name-Sequence # (0001). I like it because I know the date of import, the name of the shoot, and then the number of the shoot within the sequence. For example, here’s what a typical filename looks like: 20190107-Boston Acorn Street-0001.ARW. Don’t worry about the ARW for now. That’s just the extension of Sony’s RAW files.
         2. Shoot Name: Type in a name for the shoot. I stick to location or event. When I was shooting my cookbook, the Shoot Name was the name of the recipe.
         3. Start Number: 1
         4. Extensions: Leave-as-is
   3. Apply During Import. This is where you’ll tell LR what to do with the pictures as you’re importing them. Here are my settings.
      1. Develop Settings: I have a preset to add manual lens correction, and I use it here. You don’t have to do anything.
      2. Metadata: Copyright. You can leave this to None if you prefer.
      3. Keywords: I find that keywords help with organization. I include the name of the city and state where I shot the image, and whether it was “street” or “food” or whatever. You can use whatever system you like.
   4. Destination. This is where you’ll tell LR where to store your files.
      1. Into Subfolder: [Checked]. I always name this folder as well. If I have four different shoots in Boston, for instance, I’ll dump them all into a “Boston” folder, and maybe into a subfolder. Use whatever system you like here… You could have a Travel folder, and then create subfolders for every state, or region, or country, or whatever you travel to.
      2. Organize: Into One Folder
      3. Folder: Select the parent folder you want to dump these pictures into!
2. Then hit the IMPORT button in the bottom right and watch as everything gets imported!

Editing Photos

Okay, you just imported your first photos into LR. Congratulations! Next, you’ll need to edit them.

Once the Import Photos and Video window closes, you’ll be left with your library. To get you acquainted:
The top strip shows you what module you’re in. Module is just a fancy word for what MODE you’re in. If you click Library, you’ll see your library. If you click Develop, you can start editing a photo. We’ll only ever use the Library and Develop modules. At least I’ve never used the other modules and haven’t found a need to yet.
The left column is how we’ll navigate around…
You know what, let’s not worry about getting acquainted. Let’s focus on editing a picture. Okay?

Make sure you’re in the Library module by clicking Library at the top. (Or hit the L key.)
Click once on a photo to select it.
Ready for another shortcut? Hit the d key. This will switch over to the Develop module.
Don’t get overwhelmed. I know there’s a bunch of stuff. Don’t look at it. Just look at the photo and the right column.
Ready for a sweet shortcut? See the word Basic towards the top of the right column? See the word Auto below it? Hit that.
Cool, right? I mean, it’s not the most amazing thing in the whole world, but I’m always amazed at how great of a start it gives me for editing.

Exporting Photos

Why are we even taking pictures if we can’t ‘gram them! Here, I’ll show you how to export pictures so you can post them to Instagram. Or schedule them on Planoly.

1. You can do this from the Library module or the Develop module. If you’re in the Library module, select the image (or multiple images) you want to export. If you’re in the Develop module, skip to step 2.
2. Hit Shift+⌘+E to open the Export Files window. Here are the settings I use:
   1. Export To (at the top of the window): Hard Drive
   2. Export Location
      1. Export To: Choose folder later
      2. Put in Subfolder: [unchecked]
      3. Add to This Catalog: [unchecked]
      4. Existing Files: Choose a new name for the exported file
   3. File Naming
      1. Rename To: [unchecked]
   4. File Settings
      1. Image Format: JPEG
      2. Color Space: sRGB
      3. Quality: 100%
      4. Limit File Size: [unchecked]
   5. Image Resizing
      1. Resize to Fit: [unchecked]
   6. Output Sharpening
      1. Sharpen For: [checked], Screen
      2. Amount: Standard
   7. Metadata
      1. Include: All Metadata
      2. Remove Person Info: [checked]
      3. Remove Location Info: [checked]
      4. Write Keywords as Lightroom Hierarchy: [unchecked]
   8. Watermarking
      1. Watermark: [unchecked]
   9. Post-Processing
      1. After Export: Do Nothing
3. Hit the Export button and then select the folder where you want the file to go.
4. And then upload to Planoly or Instagram!

New Material Monday: The Seattle Freeze

This is brand new material. Never before seen. Never before heard. It’s the first time it’s hit the stage. It’s rough and needs work, but I think there’s potential. What do you think?

Drop me a line in the comments below!

My Lightroom Preset for January's Instagram Posts

Before (L) and After (R)

I created a Lightroom Preset for all my posts going up on Instagram in January.

Why, you [didn’t] ask?

Because I want my grid to have a cohesive feel to it so that people will follow me. Having 100K Instagram followers is one of my 2019 goals. At the time of this writing I have just over 1000. Almost there! :|

But experts tell us that having a consistent/cohesive Instagram grid is better, more aesthetically pleasing, and more likely to attract followers.

Plus, I just like the way things look when they all go together.

So I made a Lightroom Preset.

And I’m giving it to you.

For free.

Follow me on Instagram here.

Note: In the After image (the one on the right), I bumped the exposure up a third of a stop. So if you apply the filter and get all made at me because it doesn’t look EXACTLY like the one here, that could be why.

If none of this makes any sense because you’re a Lightroom newbie, that’s okay, I’ve got you covered!

Or it could be because you took a better photo [Ansel Adams, is that you?], in which case, why are you even here? You should be on a yacht celebrating all the money you’ve made selling award winning photos.

Download Now!

If you liked this, you may like my other presets.

Questions? Comments? Drop them in the comments section below!

Write Every Day

A few years ago when I first wanted to do stand-up, I googled "how to get started in stand-up" [like all the greats did].

I came across a piece of advice from Louis C.K. that I thought was pretty good. Here it is from laughspin.com: "Go on stage as often as possible. Any stage anywhere. Don’t listen to anyone about anything. Just keep getting up there and try to be funny, honest and original."

I thought it was good advice. I mean, Louis C.K. is was pretty successful.

But now I think it's wrong.

Which is a scary thing to say when so many other people buy into that piece of advice.

So I'll say this: It's wrong for me.

If I had one hour to get better at comedy, I would spend it writing better material.

It's easy to grind it out at open mic after open mic and not get any better. I've seen some people [me] do the same 5 minute set for months, not advancing one bit [also me].

If you're trying to get stronger in the gym, you add more weight. And that's what writing new material does for a comic.

A few weeks ago, I had a spot at Gotham Comedy Club. A few days prior, I decided that I'd perform two new minutes. In a 6 minute set, 2 would be brand new. Risky, but it's the only way I was going to get better.

I wrote some material about Iceland. I thought it was okay, but I didn't think it would do well.

I was wrong.

It went FAR better than I could have imagined. [Someone actually laughed.] Whether I keep that material is another question—I'm constantly adding new stuff and cutting poor performing stuff—but the lesson to me was this: write as often and as much as you can, and trust that some of it will work.

But the point is, now I've got 2 new minutes to play with. I have something to revise. Something to improve. Sure, the delivery might change, but at I'm 2 minutes ahead of where I was before.

My advice today, mostly to myself, but also to anyone who's listening, is to write more. Write every day. Spend as much time as you can afford writing. Write new stuff. Improve old stuff. Don't just get up day after day and bang out the same exact material.